Showing affection: how the skill grows from 12 to 30 months
Showing affection means hugging, cuddling or kissing people, and later toys, to show warmth. Affection grows out of a secure relationship and gives a child a way to reconnect after being apart or upset.
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Showing affection: the ladder, step by step
Pick the step that looks most like your child today. The next step and activities that practise it appear below.
No step picked yet. There is no wrong answer: pick the closest one.
Next step: Hugs when asked. Wraps arms around you when you open yours and ask for a hug.
Activities that fit this step
- Gentle Hands for Teddy · 12–18 months · 3–6 min
- Photo Wall Hello Kisses · 12–20 months · 3–6 min
- Goodbye Wave at the Window · 12–24 months · 2–5 min
Next step: Hugs a toy. Squeezes or kisses a teddy, often copying how you hold them.
Activities that fit this step
- Photo Wall Hello Kisses · 12–20 months · 3–6 min
- Goodbye Wave at the Window · 12–24 months · 2–5 min
- Teddy Goodnight Hugs · 16–26 months · 4–8 min
Next step: Starts affection. Runs over for a hug or kiss without being asked.
Activities that fit this step
- Goodbye Wave at the Window · 12–24 months · 2–5 min
- Teddy Goodnight Hugs · 16–26 months · 4–8 min
- Teddy Wash, Dry and Tuck-In · 18–28 months · 5–10 min
Next step: Comforts with affection. Pats or hugs someone who looks sad.
Activities that fit this step
- Teddy Wash, Dry and Tuck-In · 18–28 months · 5–10 min
- Teddy Is Sad: Comfort Game · 22–32 months · 4–8 min
- When a Friend Cries: Helper Steps · 27–36 months · 2–5 min
Top of the ladder (comforts with affection). Keep it flexible: offer it in a new place, with a different person or with new materials.
Activities that fit this step
- Teddy Wash, Dry and Tuck-In · 18–28 months · 5–10 min
- Teddy Is Sad: Comfort Game · 22–32 months · 4–8 min
- When a Friend Cries: Helper Steps · 27–36 months · 2–5 min
The showing affection ladder
5 steps from the first sign to a flexible skill, covered here from 12 to 30 months. Children move at their own pace: use the steps to see what comes next, not as deadlines.
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Snuggles in
Relaxes and leans in when held or rocked.
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Hugs when asked
Wraps arms around you when you open yours and ask for a hug.
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Hugs a toy
Squeezes or kisses a teddy, often copying how you hold them.
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Starts affection
Runs over for a hug or kiss without being asked.
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Comforts with affection
Pats or hugs someone who looks sad.
When showing affection usually shows up
Hugging, cuddling or kissing you and giving a doll or stuffed animal a hug are both CDC 15-month milestones. How often a child seeks affection also depends a lot on temperament.
This page follows showing affection from 12 to 30 months, a window that spans the 12-month, 15-month, 18-month, 24-month and 30-month CDC checklists.
In the library, 7 activities practise showing affection (3 as their main skill), for ages 12 to 36 months. 3 of them need no prep and take 10 minutes or less. By age, they sit closest to steps 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 of the 5-step ladder.
Related items appear on the CDC checklists for 15 months.
Related milestones
CDC checklist items (paraphrased) that involve showing affection. Checklists are for monitoring, not a test.
| Checklist | Milestone |
|---|---|
| 15 months | Gives a doll or stuffed animal a hug. |
| 15 months | Hugs, cuddles or kisses you to show affection. |
Activities that practise showing affection
Placed on the closest ladder step by age. By primary domain: 6 social-emotional and 1 creativity & pretend. Quickest to start: Goodbye Wave at the Window (2–5 minutes).
Step 1: Snuggles in
Step 2: Hugs when asked
Step 3: Hugs a toy
Step 4: Starts affection
Step 5: Comforts with affection
Skills practised alongside
The activities for showing affection most often also work on simple pretend play (4), noticing others' feelings (3), gestures and signs (2), calming with help (1) and pretend sequences (1). Pairing them keeps practice playful: one activity, several skills.
Practise it inside everyday routines
- Build goodnight hugs into the bedtime routine, for people and for stuffed animals.
- Notice it out loud: "You gave teddy a gentle hug."
- Accept a "no" to hugs and offer a wave or high five instead.
What to avoid
- Making your child hug or kiss relatives or visitors when they pull away.
When to mention it to the pediatrician
If your child shows little warmth toward familiar people by 15 months, rarely seeks comfort from you, or seems to lose interest in people they used to enjoy, mention it to the pediatrician.
Worried about showing affection between visits? Call the pediatrician; CDC's free resources also explain how to contact your local Early Intervention program directly. Milestones are for monitoring, not diagnosis.
Frequently asked questions
When do toddlers start showing affection?
Hugging, cuddling or kissing you and giving a doll or stuffed animal a hug are both CDC 15-month milestones. How often a child seeks affection also depends a lot on temperament. The first step to look for: relaxes and leans in when held or rocked.
How can I help my toddler with showing affection?
Build goodnight hugs into the bedtime routine, for people and for stuffed animals. Notice it out loud: "You gave teddy a gentle hug." A good first activity is Gentle Hands for Teddy (12–18 months).
What should I avoid when practising showing affection?
Making your child hug or kiss relatives or visitors when they pull away.
When should I mention showing affection to the pediatrician?
If your child shows little warmth toward familiar people by 15 months, rarely seeks comfort from you, or seems to lose interest in people they used to enjoy, mention it to the pediatrician. You can also contact Early Intervention yourself.
Related
Monitoring, not medical advice. Talk to your pediatrician about any concern. Our sources and method.