Noticing others' feelings: how the skill grows from 15 to 36 months
Noticing others' feelings means noticing when someone is hurt, sad or happy, and checking a caregiver's face to decide how to feel. It is the start of empathy. Noticing when others are hurt or upset, and looking at your face to see how to react in a new situation, are CDC 24-month milestones.
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Noticing others' feelings: the ladder, step by step
Pick the step that looks most like your child today. The next step and activities that practise it appear below.
No step picked yet. There is no wrong answer: pick the closest one.
Next step: Notices crying. Stops and stares when another child cries.
Activities that fit this step
- Gentle Hands for Teddy · 12–18 months · 3–6 min
- Feelings Faces in Board Books · 21–33 months · 5–10 min
- Teddy Is Sad: Comfort Game · 22–32 months · 4–8 min
Next step: Reacts to sadness. Looks sad or goes quiet when someone is upset.
Activities that fit this step
- Feelings Faces in Board Books · 21–33 months · 5–10 min
- Teddy Is Sad: Comfort Game · 22–32 months · 4–8 min
- Family Feelings Photo Cards · 24–34 months · 5–10 min
Next step: Tries to help. Brings a toy or blanket to someone who is crying.
Activities that fit this step
- Teddy Is Sad: Comfort Game · 22–32 months · 4–8 min
- Family Feelings Photo Cards · 24–34 months · 5–10 min
- Teddy's Doctor Check-Up · 24–34 months · 8–15 min
Next step: Names others' feelings. Says "baby sad" when another child cries.
Activities that fit this step
- Teddy's Doctor Check-Up · 24–34 months · 8–15 min
- Park Bench Feelings Watch · 26–36 months · 5–10 min
- When a Friend Cries: Helper Steps · 27–36 months · 2–5 min
Top of the ladder (names others' feelings). Keep it flexible: offer it in a new place, with a different person or with new materials.
Activities that fit this step
- Teddy's Doctor Check-Up · 24–34 months · 8–15 min
- Park Bench Feelings Watch · 26–36 months · 5–10 min
- When a Friend Cries: Helper Steps · 27–36 months · 2–5 min
The noticing others' feelings ladder
5 steps from the first sign to a flexible skill, covered here from 15 to 36 months. Children move at their own pace: use the steps to see what comes next, not as deadlines.
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Checks your face
Looks at you when something new happens before deciding to cry or laugh.
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Notices crying
Stops and stares when another child cries.
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Reacts to sadness
Looks sad or goes quiet when someone is upset.
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Tries to help
Brings a toy or blanket to someone who is crying.
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Names others' feelings
Says "baby sad" when another child cries.
When noticing others' feelings usually shows up
This page follows noticing others' feelings from 15 to 36 months, a window that spans the 15-month, 18-month, 24-month, 30-month and 36-month CDC checklists.
In the library, 7 activities practise noticing others' feelings (3 as their main skill), for ages 12 to 36 months. 3 of them need no prep and take 10 minutes or less. By age, they sit closest to steps 1, 3 and 4 of the 5-step ladder, most (4) on “Tries to help”.
Related items appear on the CDC checklists for 24 months.
Related milestones
CDC checklist items (paraphrased) that involve noticing others' feelings. Checklists are for monitoring, not a test.
| Checklist | Milestone |
|---|---|
| 24 months | Looks at your face to work out how to react when something is new. |
| 24 months | Reacts when someone is hurt or upset, for example stopping or looking sad when another person cries. |
Activities that practise noticing others' feelings
Placed on the closest ladder step by age. By primary domain: 6 social-emotional and 1 creativity & pretend. Quickest to start: When a Friend Cries: Helper Steps (2–5 minutes).
Step 1: Checks your face
Step 3: Reacts to sadness
Skills practised alongside
The activities for noticing others' feelings most often also work on naming feelings (3), showing affection (3), simple pretend play (2), body parts (1) and naming things (1). Pairing them keeps practice playful: one activity, several skills.
Practise it inside everyday routines
- Point out feelings in books and in real life: "Your friend is sad. She fell."
- Show your child how you comfort others.
- Model your face when something new happens: calm and curious.
What to avoid
- Laughing at a child who is hurt; it teaches the wrong reaction.
When to mention it to the pediatrician
If by 24 months your child does not seem to notice when others are hurt or upset, or does not look at your face to check how to react, mention it to the pediatrician.
Worried about noticing others' feelings between visits? Call the pediatrician; CDC's free resources also explain how to contact your local Early Intervention program directly. Milestones are for monitoring, not diagnosis.
Frequently asked questions
When do toddlers start noticing others' feelings?
Noticing when others are hurt or upset, and looking at your face to see how to react in a new situation, are CDC 24-month milestones. The first step to look for: looks at you when something new happens before deciding to cry or laugh.
How can I help my toddler with noticing others' feelings?
Point out feelings in books and in real life: "Your friend is sad. She fell." Show your child how you comfort others. A good first activity is Gentle Hands for Teddy (12–18 months).
What should I avoid when practising noticing others' feelings?
Laughing at a child who is hurt; it teaches the wrong reaction.
When should I mention noticing others' feelings to the pediatrician?
If by 24 months your child does not seem to notice when others are hurt or upset, or does not look at your face to check how to react, mention it to the pediatrician. You can also contact Early Intervention yourself.
Related
Monitoring, not medical advice. Talk to your pediatrician about any concern. Our sources and method.